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A Child or a Perception of an Adult?

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A thought has been brewing in my mind for the last few days. Every now and then, so on and so forth a lot of Mommies I know keep on grumbling about how their children are not acting their age. The grumbles, the rattles, the complaints, the disappointments! Let’s unveil who is a kvetch at this age.

A perfect day is when the alarm goes on and there are happy children who will obey everything you say. If even one thing goes against the regular routine; you lovely mommies have a good agenda in your coffee mornings. What a stressful morning it was?!

Maybe at times it is okay for things to not go as planned. Your pregnancy and your delivery never went as planned. So why does motherhood needs to go as planned? Enjoy the moments that are there. You won’t get them again and I ain’t Einstein to tell you that.

They are children, they are acting their age. If they weren’t you would have grown up people around you all the time.

You have been an amazing mother. But amazing parenting doesn’t come from raising perfect disciplined children. It is a part of it and if it’s not happening let it go. Perfection of parenthood comes from the love and trust our children bestow on us. Don’t think of them as the biggest responsibility of your life. Think of it as a mutual bond of trust and love that grows with so much of interest. They will always be your children who love you irrespective of the fact you hold such high expectations and perfection of them.

Their naughtiness or stubbornness or ill behavior is so much better than the hurt and anger adults cause. Because the difference is these children are innocent and the adults not so. So who has more intentions to frustrate you? Which one is not acting their age- a child who is doing unintentionally or an adult who is doing intentionally?

I know the feeling when things get tiring and when things go off but you just have to breathe in, have a sip of coffee and that big glass of wine.

The day will pass. If you are raising them, they are evolving you!

 

 

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I am What I am!

 

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So here is the thing; I come across a lot of worried mothers and fathers.

“My child doesn’t like doing what other children are doing? All his friends love swimming; mine gets nightmares at the thought of water. All his friends love messy play; mine doesn’t want to get his hands dirty. All his friends love loud noises; mine goes in a shell at the sound of loud noises. All his friends sleep properly; mine gets up every night.” And it’s on and on and on and on!

Why, please why do you compare? You always take pride in you being different; going on with slogans “I am what I am”. Then why is this child such a bother if he is being different.”

Discussions are done; maybe it is a therapy that is required. OCD, sensory disorder, and god knows what each problem becomes a disorder.

Yes! We don’t want to raise children with scare and phobias. We really need to teach them how to deal with anything world throws at us in a calmer way. Fears are just embedded in sub-conscious mind. Children react differently than adults. At Sleeptalk; we address these issues and help raise calmer and happier kids. We raise self-esteem and confidence to challenge all the problems that the universe throws at us.

Maybe it’s time to stop attaching yourself to stigmas. It’s time to get that change of not comparing your precious jewel to other jewels. Every child is unique. Sooner you realize, sooner they will deal with their anxieties.

It is what it is. Stop getting stressed over little things and look at a bigger picture. I guarantee you it will be all worth it in the end.

I don’t like beaches and I have a thing in getting dirty in the sand. A beach disorder maybe?

Until next time….

Remember: They are what they are!

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Sowing The Seeds of Change

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Few stories are left untold, few incomplete and most of them are shoved below the carpet. It is those stories that are shoved below I want to reflect. I want you to reflect also.

Those cold, cold instances where you try to put your child with certain challenging behaviors at a nursery or a school. I hear many and all the time due to the lack of knowledge and experience here.

I will tell you a cold story too. I won’t start with “Once upon a time…” because the time is now, this very second and in this moment. A little boy after a great difficulty and a lot of rejections from different educational institutes finally joined a nursery. The nursery spoke about how it is ok for kids to be hyper or lack concentration. Parents were ease; the kid loves going there; excited to see other children around him. The nursery gives a willing hand that they would give their additional needs support team to help him in classroom activities (the charges did apply though, all in good faith). Mind you, the kid is super smart but lacks span of concentration or the willingness to learn. His mind is all about physical fun like the gym, the music, the monkey bars, the balancing. That’s how he is! Tough luck darlings! But, when he was forced and motivated to do something he will. Oh yes he will.

Months go by and they tell the parents he will be brilliant if we get him a “Shadow Teacher”. Parents love the idea because leaving every cost aside they want the best for the child to grow. The nursery was kind and said “Voila! We found a shadow teacher.” Ecstatic parents were relieved. The reports started flowing in all positive and motivating that the little boy is doing so well in the classroom. Taking part in activities, sitting in the library, waiting in ques and things they deem normal.

Then one gloomy morning, parents get the news that unfortunately the Shadow Teacher will have to leave (the tenure of whose was promised till the end of academic year). It all sounds dramatic to you, doesn’t it? Well sadly any parent having a kid with certain additional needs face the dramas with overwhelming emotions on a daily basis.

The saga continues to another level. Right after a week constant off guard pressure builds up on parents again. This kid is that; that kid is this! Marketing other so called institutes where they think he would fit in. Are you sure the parents need your advice? You don’t even know how to take care of him for 2 minutes. You call your assessment trainers who give a million observations in 10 minutes. “Yipee! We found God on earth!” The kid won’t let the assessor touch him; of course that is odd! After all we adults let any stranger touch us right?! Uh huh! He is aggressive; you take away his belongings and you want him to succumb to that! After all we adults give our mobile phones which are our lifelines to strangers right? Ah!

And now it gets better. I call it the chocolate sprinkles on the icing. The kid is disrupting the class and because of him other kids are getting distracted. The other additional needs kids don’t disturb much. Right- so what kind of additional needs kids do you want Sir/Madam? Ones who will not have a mind of their own, or who you have to pay no attention to, or the ones you don’t even know they exist in your classrooms. Yes, you are an all inclusive institute. You take kids with special needs and additional or challenging issues provided you don’t have to cater to them because you really don’t know how to. Your teachers do not have the inclination to deviate even 1 percent or make just that little effort. Because that little effort is all that is required.

 So when you brag about your high values and inclusion; I would in this situation tell them “Talking, talking, talking talk- baby let’s knock it off!”

 You parents, you reading this blog for god’s sake stop succumbing to the pressures. Reflection is the step towards the change and a voice to address it; that is your prerogative. It is your child in question here. Stop letting your hearts sink in with a 2 minute assessment. You all as adults are still figuring yourself out. How offended do you feel when someone says something about your personality you are not? Then why this kid has to go through a process of justice; a process of law and order? In that court, he will just give an innocent smile because his innocence and a need of understanding him is all he needs.

 Please leave your comments and what you feel. I want to hear your opinions too and then a voice becomes one; for the sake of those moms who are weak. I choose to be their voice. Can you help me raise that volume up?

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Learn to Accept or Live in Denial-Choice is Yours!

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Something seems off, I think there is a problem! Something is bothering me about my child. Surely, a lot of you face this. And if a thought like this comes to your mind; you are probably right.  A mother or a father knows their child the most because they are an important part of you. Mother’s soul connection and heartbeat; a father’s pride and joy!

You know there’s a challenge that has cropped up. What do you do? Hush! Hush! Shh! Shh! Always a good thing to protect your child. But, are you doing anything about it?

Are you intervening? Are you accepting it beautifully and paving your way out of the issues that you as a family are facing? Or Are You living in denial that there is nothing wrong? You ponder and think where you fit in. Choice! Choice! Choose!

A positive outlook is “I will fight this situation and everything will be OK! It will get better because it has to.” A positive outlook isn’t “There is nothing wrong at all. It is ok.”The universe helps those who help themselves. Why leave a part of your soul to destiny and fate? It really is ok to reach out and get help. Do not attach any stigmas to it; you are finding answers to your own problems. If you don’t now, why wait till it’s too late?

Don’t shout it to the world your issues but you accept it gracefully. That is the first stage of you transforming the situation. That situation is in your control now. So, what is it that can’t be achieved? You build dreams, hopes and aspirations around your child. Maybe few times it is you who will help them achieve it. It is you only who can nurture it. But, first accept if there are any challenging behaviors. A child is your reflection. Show them you are there and you will help them with difficulty. They are the only ones you need to be around for. They are for you and you are for them. So, what has friends, peers or family pressure got to do?

It’s a see-saw world. If you don’t accept now; the world will tell you “How could you be so negligent?” Would that even be a worry then? It shouldn’t! You had a choice, you chose to leave it. On the other side, if you take corrective actions now; the world will applaud “How beautifully you took care of it all.” I call it The See-Saw Balance: You go down and they go up! They go down and you go up! But, only you can maintain that balance.

Think, think hard, think till you can’t think no more. Make that choice!